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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633373">Wait, Snape Had Sex With James?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanwit/pseuds/fanwit'>fanwit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Chimera Harry Potter, Crack, Gen, M/M, POV Multiple, reference to MPreg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:07:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,286</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633373</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanwit/pseuds/fanwit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rita Skeeter publishes an article and everybody gets the wrong impression.</p>
<p>(Not actually James/Snape, but everybody thinks so)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>246</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wait, Snape Had Sex With James?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>If you read this, thank you so much! This just popped in my head one day when I was thinking about all those "James isn't actually Harry's dad" stuff and decided I had to write it.<br/>Nothing but crack up ahead.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Wait..." Harry's mouth is wide open in shock. "Snape had sex with my dad?"</p>
<p>Snape makes a strangled noise. Skeeter looks at him amusedly. "No! Don't be ridiculous, Potter!"</p>
<p>Skeeter snaps shut her notepad and smiles at the two. "Well, I've said all I-"</p>
<p>"You said he was a Chimera, right?"</p>
<p>"Yes, I did."</p>
<p>Snape turns to Harry. "Simply put, you don't have your mother's DNA at all. Somehow, you ended up with just your father and possibly me from an... event."</p>
<p>Harry scrunches up his face. "You had sex with my mum?"</p>
<p>There's just the sound of a door closing in reply. Snape scowls. "Great, now she's going to publish this."</p>
<hr/>
<p>Narcissa gasps. Lucius looks up curiously from the breakfast he was enjoying.</p>
<p>"What is it?"</p>
<p>Narcissa simply holds up the newspaper. The headline reads, Harry Potter: A Product of an Affair?. "It says Harry's a chimera, he's the kid of Severus and James Potter."</p>
<p>Lucius's eyes widen. "Wait. Severus had sex with James?"</p>
<hr/>
<p>Sirius happily returns home with a newspaper in his mouth. It had taken a while to get the owl to come down to him but he managed. He turns back into his human form and opens up the newspaper. His eyes scan the headline then the beginning of the article. Then throws it down in anger.</p>
<p>"I can't believe that bastard slept with James!" God, he always thought James'd go for him or Lupin if he ever wanted to experiment like that. Dammit, it wasn't fair.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Arthur shoves the eggs into his mouth. Molly offers him a cup of coffee and Arthur nods in thanks. Percy's already left for the day, probably at crack of dawn knowing him. Said he wanted an early start to his day. Arthur gets it, they all have a lot of work to do with the aftermath of the Cup. Arthur stands up and takes a long sip of his cup. It isn't piping hot, thank goodness.</p>
<p>"Oh!"</p>
<p>Arthur looks over at Molly who's reading the newspaper. He usually reads it at the office now that he has to go in much earlier than usual. Arthur checks the time, he'll be late at this rate, then takes another sip.</p>
<p>"They're saying Harry's a chimera," Molly manages.</p>
<p>Chimera? Wasn't that a fire-breathing lion or something? Arthur frowns and eats some more eggs. Christ, how many eggs did Molly use for his breakfast? It feels like it's taking ages to eat it all before leaving.</p>
<p>"Snape and James Potter..." Molly shakes her head. Arthur takes another sip, almost done. "They apparently are the dads."</p>
<p>Arthur chokes on his coffee.</p>
<p>"Do you think Snape's helping Harry at Hogwarts?" Molly taps the table thoughtfully. "We should thank him."</p>
<p>Chimera... Half-half? So Harry was half both. Arthur wonders which half is Snape. Then decides he doesn't want to overthink it. Let's not even get into the whole debacle of where Lily comes into Harry's half.</p>
<p>Arthur checks his watch once again. "I've got to go." He leans in to kiss Molly.</p>
<p>"Maybe Snape would appreciate some gay positivity?" Molly muses. "I could put together a basket, show him I support him and James."</p>
<p>Arthur merely hums in response.</p>
<hr/>
<p>"<em>James?</em>" Mad-Eye says incredulously over his newspaper. Thank god he had forgone going to the Great Hall for breakfast. He pulls open his chest and leans down to look at the real Moody. "Hey!"</p>
<p>Moody, heavily drugged and under the Imperius curse, looks up groggily.</p>
<p>"Snape fucked James!"</p>
<p>Moody lets his head fall and closes his eyes. Mad-Eye huffs. Moody was no fun like this. Maybe later he'd torture him a bit, see if he gets more of a reaction then.</p><hr/>
<p>Ron spits out his bacon. "Harry, she published it!"</p>
<p>Harry groans and buries his head. "Are they all staring at me?"</p>
<p>"I think they're staring at Snape."</p>
<p>Harry peeks between his hands up at Snape. Snape looks sourer than usual and is busily ignoring McGonagall's whispering.</p>
<p>Ron leans in. "Hey, if you think Snape went up against Skeeter, who'd you think would win?"</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Harry! Harry!"</p>
<p>Colin hurries through the crowd to catch Harry just before he entered the DADA classroom.</p>
<p>"Is it true? What the news said?"</p>
<p>Harry groans. Colin looks over to Hermione and Ron. Judging by their expressions, it must be.</p>
<p>"Wow!" Colin shakes his head. "But why isn't Professor Snape nicer?"</p>
<p>"To him?" Ron asks.</p>
<p>"No," Colin replies. "Harry's pretty nice and I'm sure James was too! Why isn't Snape like that?"</p>
<p>Hermione takes Harry's arm and smiles politely at Colin. "Sorry but genetics don't work like that." And she pulls Harry into the classroom with Ron hurriedly following.</p>
<p>And Colin's left alone in the hall with the crowd pushing against him. "What's genetics?"</p>
<hr/>
<p>"My Lord," Peter says, kneeling down in front of the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord grunts in response. "The news say some interesting things about Snape and Potter."</p>
<p>"Oh?" the Dark Lord whispers. "By all means, say."</p>
<p>"Harry is the child of Snape and Potter."</p>
<p>There is a long pause. Peter squirms and prays the Dark Lord is not in the mood for torturing.</p>
<p>"The woman?" the Dark Lord spits.</p>
<p>"No, the man."</p>
<p>The Dark Lord bows his head. "Snape must truly be a traitor... Leading me to my death."</p>
<p>Peter remains silent.</p>
<p>"We must see if he is willing to redeem himself. Inform Crouch."</p>
<p>"Yes, my Lord."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Hey, Tom, you see the news?"</p>
<p>Tom looks up from wiping down the bar counter.</p>
<p>"Hm? Haven't had the chance." It's one of the maids and she looks extremely excited.</p>
<p>"Harry Potter's actually Severus Snape's kid!"</p>
<p>"Really?" Tom tries to remember who Severus Snape was. Was it that fellow in black with a constant frown?</p>
<p>"Snape <em>and</em> James Potter!"</p>
<p>Tom blinks. Then blinks again. "Interesting."</p>
<p>"Yeah, innit?" The maid bounces and her duster goes flying off her cart. Tom inwardly sighs at the thought of cleaning that up. "Wonder which one had Harry."</p>
<p>"What do you mean?"</p>
<p>"Well, one of them had to be pregnant, yeah?"</p>
<p>Tom furrows his brows. "Can you even do that?"</p>
<p>"Probably, Snape's the potions professor at Hogwarts, he could've made a potion."</p>
<p>"Is he?"</p>
<p>"I bet it was James."</p>
<hr/>
<p>Remus settles down on a bench he's found. It was difficult making sure the Muggles didn't see him getting a newspaper from an owl but after climbing a tree, he had managed. Remus leans back with a sigh.</p>
<p>"Harry Potter... Product of an affair..." Remus reads out loud absent-mindedly. "This may come as a shock to readers but-" Remus sits up straight and leans closer to the newspaper. "Snape and James?"</p>
<p>Snape would never do that. He had avoided Remus for so long when he was working at Hogwarts, no way he'd ever venture out to see <em>James</em>. Remus rubs at his face. But maybe he actually liked James? After James saved Snape from...</p>
<p>Remus shakes his head. "Bloody hell."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"This is going to cause a lot of trouble," Albus says quietly. Severus grips the arm of his chair.</p>
<p>"I tried to stop her but..." Severus looks down and sighs. "She's absolutely relentless."</p>
<p>Albus looks at Severus gravely over his glasses. "Severus, what I am about to say next you may not like." Albus puts his hands down on his desk and leans forward. "But it is paramount you follow this."</p>
<p>Severus hesitates but nods slowly.</p>
<p>"Nobody can know about Lily."</p>
<p>Severus freezes. "So you're saying..." Severus stands up and his chair falls backwards. "I have to let everyone think I had sex with James?!"</p>
<p>"You can brush it off as rivalry..."</p>
<p>"<em>Rivalry?</em>"</p>
<p>"I'm sure you can manage." Albus smiles at Severus. Then winks. "After all, you managed to have sex with James."</p>
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